I feel like I am on the most rigid roller coaster ever. And when I say roller coaster, I mean roller coaster of motivation. I’m either slowly climbing to the sky or falling so quickly that all that progress didn’t feel like a success.

I can never understand being motivated. Not like I used to.

I was a busy person in high school. I mean I still am, but I just don’t feel like it’s to the same extent. But I was always up to something; whether that entailed making plans, working, school… just always kept myself busy. Never had enough downtime, and then I got burnt out, went through some challenges, and ever since, I’ve been trying to grow back into who I was when I immersed myself in school and balance.

Something is different though. Maybe my work ethic, studying, habits in high school were just that. Meant for high school. Coming to university, and I’ve already said this, but it has been a HUGE adjustment. And don’t get me wrong, I have mentally grown in such a positive way over the past couple of years, but coming into a new place where I have to change my routine completely has gotten me thinking that this is a bigger milestone to adjust and find something that really suits me.

I’m gonna be honest, it has not been easy at all.  For example; last week I felt relieved for the first time in a month and a half. I was on top of school work, midterms were slowly coming to an end and I felt finally at peace with where I was. I was smiling more, not trying to put on some face, and I was motivated to just be in the moment, where I was, taking it day by day. But in the weeks prior to this sudden relief, I was struggling a lot. I wasn’t motivated to learn like I used to. It’s hard to sit in front of your computer all day, watching lectures, writing endless notes, not learning in the same manner.

And I get it, the school year is going to be different. We aren’t in person. We can’t learn at the same pace. But drowning in work has been a challenge where I’ve become unmotivated and incapable of removing myself from situations to assess how to actually lift myself up.

It’s been even harder to take enough time to actually assess situations. It’s like I look up from my computer for two seconds, and I’m drowning even further with more work and sometimes I don’t know what to prioritize. But then I get in the groove for a few moments, figure out my life, get completely motivated to accomplish every class then a downfall happens again. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have not found my groove yet. I don’t know when I will and I don’t think it should be something that is planned.

I feel like I kind of babbled on this whole time but basically, I just wanted to put the message out there that it’s not uncommon for motivation to come in waves. It’s also okay to not be motivated 24/7. It could even be a little signal to our bodies that we need to rest. But also make sure you find time to check in with yourself. Check in with what you need to accomplish. As much as we do need the rest, imagine how much better you will feel once you check items off your list. I know for university especially, it’s ideal to have the most fun possible, but creating that balance where you can succeed while finding yourself will have such a positive outcome.

I learn something new every day, and this week, I kept learning more about how I tend to roller coaster through motivation. It’s something that is hard to recognize but now I feel like I can grasp the concept of trying to maintain a balance by accomplishing what I need to get done and finding that inner fulfillment that will keep me moving forward.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

STAY KIND:)