expectations.

I feel like there is a lot of weight that comes with the word.

Not only is there a lot of contexts that exist, but also the fact that a lot of negativity can surround it.

Why do people have such high expectations? What even causes an expectation to occur?

I tend to connect expectations with myself, my marks in school, and the people around me.

We are our biggest competitors. We are our biggest challenges. Our own judgment. Self-pity. Burden. Responsibility. It’s always us against us to be the best version we can be.

I’ve always had super high expectations for myself. I don’t know why I set a standard almost impossible for myself, but it’s almost always been this way since I was little. Mostly because I found some relief in being able to control this part of me, but it took away from finding a balance in my life. When I can’t accomplish something that I thought I could, I would burden myself with my own disappointment. I let myself think that maybe I just wasn’t capable. That I had failed. Little did I know that maybe this was a sign that I should step back and see that I was pushing myself to the point where I couldn’t let myself breathe.

It’s a struggle when you have this need to constantly one up yourself. And the expectation can really just get out of hand. This sense of being perfect always got the best of me. It really did take away from enjoying what’s around me. Maybe it took away that feeling of being free-minded. Like nothing else mattered for those moments.

My biggest challenge was coming to terms with my perfectionism with school marks. I will be honest, I am one of those people that used to think that anything lower than a specific number was not good enough. That I had truly failed. Then I would spiral and go down this path where I was consistently stressed and couldn’t see anything other than getting perfect marks. Don’t get me wrong, it is always pushed to do the best you can, but it shouldn’t be something that consumes you. It’s okay to step back. It’s okay to not accomplish everything. It’s definitely okay not to be the best.

School is tough in this situation. As a first-year, I have already been in the position of stressing myself out over a bad mark. But then I realized, this is the year where everyone is figuring themselves out. Figuring out what works best for them. Figuring out the groove that suits them the most. I didn’t realize that I was living in residence with every other student facing the same challenge as me. We have just started coming out of the pandemic. It’s not unusual to be unprepared for writing evaluations, for getting back into school routine when we have been isolated for what seems like a very long time.

It takes time to adjust. I have learned that the hard way when I was very particular about my routine and was pretty resistant to change. Over the past month, change has happened every day. And school marks are just one of those things.

I think for a lot of people who tend to focus on that high achievement let marks define them. But there is so much more to each person than a grade on a paper. We can’t let these grades get the best of us. In reality, and I truly believe this, we will end up where we are meant to be. So maybe that one paper you nearly failed was more of a sign that you need to give yourself a break because, in the end, everything will be okay. Trust me on that.

Expectations for others. Let me tell you, this is hard to deal with. I think I could define myself as a very big people pleaser. As you know, one of my biggest values is kindness. Showing kindness to others, to myself, the world… Kindness goes such a long way but when showing it consistently, it can be turned against you. There are instances where I’ve learned that the hard way. Some take advantage of my people-pleasing traits and whether or not they know it, they show expectations that I need to fulfill. Maybe it’s not always intended but as an overthinker, I feel the need to fill that expectation, and sometimes that causes a shift in my priorities. When I should be prioritizing myself, it turns into prioritizing others.

Remember that expectation is a big word but we can’t let it always define us. There are times where this responsibility for success is important to build life skills, but also remember to enjoy what’s around you too.

STAY KIND:)