This week is kinda sentimental to me. Not only is it marking almost two years of the pandemic but this also marks two years of recovery. I was actually going to talk about it last year but I didn’t because I never knew how to formulate the words. Which is kinda surprising considering I write blogs every week. But really I technically just had prolonged writer’s block on the subject. I didn’t know how to approach it in a way that will still be heard. When I finally talked about it, I wanted whoever reading to grasp onto every. single. word.

Where do I even start.

This week is actually eating disorder awareness week (NEDIC) so it gets a little extra meaning to it when I planned to write this blog.

My blog will always be a place of optimism and positivity. However, I also want to show the challenges that sometimes get in our way that we have to work through to get to these places. Trust me, I am not one to fully glamorize life and try and convince everyone that it’s perfect all the time. Sometimes it’s not and that’s OKAY.

Two years ago, I started my recovery journey. It was something so beyond my line of stress because especially for being such an emotional person who feels ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, this time had me feeling the most disappointed in myself than I had ever been. And that’s the thing with mental health. All of these intense feelings are the internal battles we face daily. What’s worse is that they truly blind us from seeing right versus wrong and they make that line invisible to know when we are crossing it further and further.

I was scared to share this part of me because I feared feeling judged. What’s sad to hear about mental health despite growing the awareness and the diminishing stigma, is that a lot of victims see this as a weakness that they hold over themselves. They fear seeking help because of how they think others will perceive them. I know I am not speaking for everyone, but from my own experience I was scared too. I was insecure and I felt a need to be at the standards of what society thinks girls should be at. Or everyone for that matter. But I’ve also grown to learn that the only person I should try and seek validation from is myself. And that is what led me to this blog today.

When I first started recovery, I began to learn that I had crossed that line in the blink of an eye because since I am a person who struggles with stress and anxiety, this slope was very slippery and I went downhill very very quickly. I became fixated on things in my life. I tend to plan and focus on things until I achieve them. That’s why I do as well as I do in school. I used to work so hard and perfect my work because I always feared failure and wanted to achieve the highest “success” possible.

I didn’t want to forget this era. To think that it was just done. Recovery is a process and it is never really fully eliminated. Although, we can continue to train our minds to see the positive side of things and to work to reach a good level of mental wellness.

For me I was fixated on that healthy lifestyle. I thought that it was in my best interest to try and achieve it. The “healthy lifestyle”. I wish I had stopped myself there and realized the path I was starting to go down. I was in sports at school, I was working and I thought, why not add another thing to balance right? Thinking that was going to be the easiest adjustment possible.

There it was. The adjustment that turned downhill.

Now… I don’t want this to become detail oriented but I wanted to start to paint a picture and show you that everyone has their battles.

I also just want everyone to be mindful that some of these subjects can be very sensitive and it is definitely a hard one to start talking about.

I love this blog. I love you all.

STAY KIND:)

with love,

Grace