HAPPY SUNDAY!

I’ve slacked yet again. For another two weeks. But I don’t want this to become a pattern. I love writing, and I love making these little life blogs every Sunday, for me and for all of you. But lately it’s been tough. I’ve been dealing with all these heavy feelings that have built up over the past couple of weeks. And I don’t categorize the heavy feelings as “negative” because they aren’t… we are all human and we feel absolutely everything. Feelings can weigh heavy in our heads or on our hearts, but don’t ever discourage yourself from letting them in. They help us grow and give us perspectives that we don’t always see. They affect us in ways that seem to be a down hill spiral, but they teach us how to bounce back even when all our clouds are grey.

When I get into midterms, I feel like I am in fight or flight mode. I still maintain my ‘usual’ self (or how I tackle each day), however, this past week, with three midterms, I started suppressing the heavy stuff. With things happening here and there in my life, I put myself in a bubble (as best as I could) to get what I had to get done before reading week began. Three midterms, two days. It’s sometimes crazy how piled up tests and assignments can get. They just come so quickly, it feels unexpected. So yes, I tackled these tests, kept my extracurriculars, and suppressed those heavy emotions.

I didn’t think I could handle three midterms but I did it, although it didn’t stop those emotions from coming out eventually.

Reading week was tough, and I can’t really sugar coat that. Emotions starting consuming me on one random day when I took a scary turn on the road beside a really big truck. It was right in that moment that triggered this wall I had put up to just break down.

I had denied being sad and stressed and frustrated. These emotions come, but it is hard sometimes to express them because I don’t like to show them. I am a naturally internalized anxious and stressed human, but I stay optimistic. I put a smile on my face, and I try not show sadness. And I mean I talk about all the feelings I feel, I just internalize some of them. But that turn on the road changed the course of the entire rest of the week.

I got discouraged, I showed some sadness and I got even more stressed out. It was really a challenge to handle all of these on top of life. Aside from this, I am also in the middle of building new goals for the rest of the year. Things I want to accomplish and activities I want to do. So with the buildup of all those emotions, the view in front of me was pretty cloudy. It’s not that I haven’t faced these before, I just tend to express at the base level to prevent buildup.

I wanted to paint this picture.

Life is not always sunshine; not for me, not for the people who constantly try to show the positives and the optimistic side. I try to portray a comfort in actively seeking out solutions and a positive turn to things. But even for me, we have to let in these emotions. Things happen in life. Things get stressful or don’t turn out the way we want them to. Things end. People come and go. It’s hard to grasp the idea of temporary satisfaction. But it’s just that, temporary. And then sometimes we get hit with this reality that not everything lasts forever. And we have to adjust. And within that first step, some of these uncomfortable emotions rise.

Life is unpredictable. We can’t have expectations all the time. But we can have hope that everything will work out in the way it’s supposed to. And sadness is temporary and in turn just helps us grow even more.

Embrace everything you feel because we don’t know what is going to happen next.

But we will get through it. I feel it for everyone. No matter the challenge. YOU can overcome it. We all can.

Remember that feelings can be internalized too. So check in on yourself and those around you too. We all fight battles that some of us can never see.

STAY KIND 🙂

with love

grace <3